


Security Snafu

by Liannabob



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Missing Scene, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liannabob/pseuds/Liannabob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Answering entropy_house's prompt: "In Avengers Tony claims that it's Pepper's fault that a security breech led to his (our) private elevator being full of sweaty workmen.  I'd really like to see what happened with Tony and the workmen."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Security Snafu

Tony loved Pepper dearly. She completed him – no two ways around it. He loved her the way that he had never loved any other person. (That distinction had been iffy for a while, because Tony absolutely considered Jarvis a person. But trying to have sex with Jarvis had been incredibly awkward and the balance had finally tipped in Pepper’s favor the night after the StarkExpo attack.)

 Pepper knew things about him nobody else did. Not just the big stuff, like what the inside casing of his arc reactor looked like or why he hated baths, but the little things, like what kind of candy he liked and what songs were prone to getting stuck in his head.

 And she loved him.

 It had been a very, very long time since anyone had sincerely done that.

 Tony concentrated on Pepper’s list of virtues, all the details of her that made her so important and irreplaceable to him, and tried to ignore the fact that his calming breaths were drawing the smell of onions and sweat into his lungs.

 No, Tony thought, we’re not thinking about that. We’re thinking about Pepper’s 93 freckles and how her bangs fall across her forehead when she’s annoyed and how soft her thighs are and we’re _not_ thinking about how she authorized a team of sweaty workmen to use our private elevator.

 Tony sighed and pressed his shoulders firmly against the back wall and watched the number crawl with obnoxious slowness from ‘17’ to ’18’ as the elevator ascended.

 A phone started chirping in one of the men’s pockets, and Tony cracked open an eye to watch in fascinated horror as he pulled out (oh god) a Nokia.

 “No.” Tony said, quietly but firmly. “No, no, I’m sorry, but you have to be shitting me. I don’t think I can trust you to build my tower if you’re going to use that without the slightest hint of shame. Unless you’re using it as a support block or something.”

 “It’s… my sister’s.” The workman – James, according to the sharpie’d scrawl on his toolbelt- said. Tony narrowed his eyes, bullshit meter crying havoc.

 The number moved from ‘23’ to ’24.’

 Only 41 floors to go, Tony thought.

 James held a brief conversation with someone on the other end, confirming a shipment of something or other. The two men bracketing him were side-eyeing him, curious or awed or annoyed on James’ behalf, it was difficult to tell.

 James ended the call and returned the brick of antiquated tech to his pocket.

 31.

 “Jarvis, are you deliberately slowing this thing down?” Tony barked, suddenly deeply suspicious. The men around him twitched at the suddenness and volume both.

 “I have no idea what you mean, sir.” Jarvis replied. The crewmen were looking at the ceiling, clearly startled. Tony ignored them. There was a hint of smugness in that vocal modulation.

 “You’re still mad about that comment, aren’t you? J, if you had genitalia, I have no doubt you’d be as good at sex as her.”

 “The life-model decoy prototype was a perfectly viable option, sir.”

 “I fully own my narcissism, Jarvis, but having sex with myself is just a step too far.”

 Tony firmly ignored the looks he was getting.

 “You could have taken the face off.” Jarvis said with his unique tone of polite stubbornness.

 “Mute.” Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose and feeling a headache swelling behind his eyes.

 "Did you… build a robot of yourself?” The workman to his left asked. Tony realized he was where the onion smell was coming from. God, what had the man eaten?

“Mute.” Tony repeated.

48.

Tony’s phone started playing “You Shook Me All Night Long.”

“Why would you do this to me?” Tony whined immediately after flicking it open.

“I… okay, I’m going to need just a little bit more context, Tony.” Pepper replied calmly.

“Private elevators are really only that when they’re not full of people. One of them smells like onions, Pepper.” The guy to Tony’s left twitched self-consciously. “Yes, you.” Tony told him. James fished in his pocket and passed the man a piece of gum. “Now you do this? 53 floors later? Really?” He demanded incredulously.

“Oh good, they’re here,” Pepper said, ignoring the by-play. “You’re on your way up, I take it?”

“As slowly as my passive-aggressive butler can manage.”

“What have you done to upset Jarvis?”

“You know, that’s… really not important.”

Pepper hummed, a skeptical sound full of both judgment and fondness.

“And also, this is a complete security breach. If one of them sneaks off and takes the Iron Man suit for a joyride, it’ll be on your head.”

Tony glared at one of the men who was a bit slower than the rest at hiding a contemplative look. The man blushed, which was an interesting look for a man a foot taller than Tony and easily a hundred pounds heavier, all of it muscle.

“Please. Like anything sensitive isn’t locked up to within an inch of its life.”

“Not the point.”

“Kind of the point.” Pepper countered. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Or five, depending on how long J is going to drag this out.”

Pepper made an amused sound and hung up.

The doors finally, mercifully, slid open. The men picked up their toolboxes and exited.

Tony took a moment to stretch in his now-empty elevator. It had never felt small before today, but his perceptions of space were relative, apparently, to how many sweaty humans he was sharing it with.

Pepper’s voice drifted to him and he walked out, spotting her as she directed the crew towards what would eventually be a conference room.

She smiled at him and walked over.

“I’m glad to see you survived.” She teased.

“Onions, Pep.” He shivered dramatically.

She bent, putting a hand in his hair, and a moment later Tony was updating his mental list: 93 freckles, her bangs, her thighs, and the way she smiled when she kissed him.

 

 

-the end-


End file.
